and I believe him

Turns out, I’m not very good at this blog thing. I kind of even forgot I had a blog for like, two months. The good news is, I remembered, and I’m here, and I have a lot to say.

Sooo…. I’m moving to Australia! 

The scoop: In a short 54 days, I will hop on a plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan. {I couldn’t resist}. I will embark on an adventure that I can’t, and won’t even try to predict. I will be working with an organization called YWAM (youth with a mission) in Perth. It is a group of people scattered around the world whose purpose is to know God and make Him known. I will be there for six months for certain, during which I will also travel to Europe and Asia (Gah!!) and will get love on people in three continents! After six months, a few things can happen: I can come back to America, changed and charged to live whatever exciting next step waits for me here, I can join the YWAM staff, or I could start training in their midwifery/birth attendant program. The idea of using my medical skills and my passion for childbirth and obstetrics in places those things don’t exist just makes me want to cry! To have the chance to love people in that way…just, wow. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

This is big, right? Huge. When I tell people, after the initial, “You are freaking crazy!” response that I’ve grown accustomed to, they usually joke around about how hot Australian men are (and I ain’t one to argue), or they suggest I “put another shrimp on the barbie!” But when the jokes have passed, the question I get asked the most is “Aren’t you scared?”

I can honestly say that I am not afraid. I suppose I should be, but in my soul is a crazy peace that prompts me forward, almost without trying. I am not afraid because, for the first time in years, I have made a decision that is not based solely on what I want, but what I feel I am called to. I am not afraid because I serve a big God who tells me not to be. He tells me he will never leave me, and I believe him. So, I’m leaving my fears behind me. They aren’t invited on this journey (and let’s be honest, there’s no place for them in my luggage). So that’s that.

I will leave it at this today. Short and simple. Both characteristics of this beautiful life. I want my short time on this planet to be spent living. Truly living. I want to be alive, and not just the heart pumping, oxygen exchanging kind of alive. e. e. cummings said “unbeing dead isn’t being alive.” I want to stop fighting my heart, I want to love people with everything I have, I want to eat weird foods, I want to climb mountains, I want everything I do in this life to honor a God that loved me first. When life asks me to dance, I want to always say yes. And when I die, I want to be remembered as someone who lived a wide open and fearless life.

If life is asking you to dance, say yes! Start living right now; it doesn’t have to be grand. Move to Italy, love your babies bigger, or try a new recipe tonight. Wear your hair in pigtails, because you like pigtails, go back to school, jump out of a plane, my goodness, take a bubble bath! Be brave and live with conviction. If you are afraid, leave it behind. Fear is a lie, friends. Fear holds us back, and life is just way to beautiful for that. 

Uncertainties and Surprises

Today, I am packing. I hate packing, but I'm good at it. Really good. You see, I have this "thing;" a gypsy soul, I suppose, that has always kept me from staying still for very long. This "thing" is the reason I have had 8 address in the last 8 years. It's the reason I have a nursing license, a degree in psychology, and more random life skills than I'm sure will ever be necessary, and it's the reason I have never stuck around in any romantic relationship for longer than...well, very long. 

So I'm at it again. But this time is different. This time, I'm not sure where I'm going next. I have an idea (let's just say my passport is ready), but nothing is for sure. This time, my belongings will be shoved into a storage unit, sold at yard sales, and donated to thrift stores. This time, I'm more excited and more terrified than I’ve ever been. I think that as I get older, I am beginning to realize the weight of my every decision {I'm a long ways from the 18-year-old girl who jumped in a slug bug and moved to Portland}. What I do (or don't do) today, effects who I will be tomorrow. Tomorrow, I want to be somebody better. No pressure.

This time next year, on August 27th, 2012, I wonder where I will be, what decisions I will be making, who I will know, and who I will have lost contact with. It's so crazy awesome and equally insane to have no idea! I know that's simply the reality of life, but as I sit here on my living room floor, surrounded by boxes, I feel like that reality is right in my face. I can feel it breathing. I'm incredibly aware of life's uncertainties and unexpected surprises this afternoon. 

So, I'll see ya later, favorite lamp. I love you, beautiful book collection. Until we meet again. 

The Rest is History

I have to be totally honest for a moment...I have no clue what I'm doing here. Bloggers are so much cooler than me, I think {I don't really know any bloggers, but I feel like they would be}. The first post is the worst. Nobody even knows your blog exists, so you're talking to yourself essentially, which is awesome, and nothing I'm not used to.


Regardless of the fact that I already feel like a total reject, here I am. My hope is that this blog will be, for me, a place to unwind and share the happenings of my silly little life {the good, bad, and all the in between}. If, in that process, I make connections with others {i.e. you!}, then I will be the lucky one. 


I've never been much of a planner, which is possibly what makes my life even "bloggable" to begin with! This will be no different. I have no plans; I only promise it will be me. Simple. A real life portrayal of a 20 something woman who likes to do crafts, eat nachos, and has never been in love {or has just never admitted it}. A look at a girl who loves to do things that scare her, who hates cleaning the bathtub, and truly believes that laughter is the best way to make things better. 


So, if you would, join me! I'm pretty excited to share myself with  you, and hope it will inspire you to do the same. 


*Insert clever valediction here*